Lesson # 3: WATCH YOUR MOUTH, THEY ARE LISTENING

Since I became a father, and still learning to be a good father, I've been watching my mouth in front of my kids. It has been my belief that what they hear from me reflects on how they see me as a father.

Never did I bad mouthed even when I get angry. Which I haven't been doing as I grew in my Christian life. Though it didn't came that fast, my tongue was created anew by the Lord. I admit I was really really bad or should I say evil on how I speak. But praise the Lord, He made me change!

When it comes to promises, I am very careful on this. Especially, kids are very particular with a promise, they will never stop whining until they get what they want. And if they accepted it as a promise, a promise will always be promise. They will never stop hoping that one day, the promise will come true.

I also learned not to say a punishment that I could not do in reality. It weakens the authority when we say "I will do this to you," then you realizes that what you've said was impossible to do. When we say, "You are not going to have your dinner!" Then don't let them! Prove to them that what you've said will happen. And then they will learn.

Talking with someone while the kids are around must remind us not to talk on topics which are "for adults only." Talking about other people while the kids are listening is not good ethics. The kids might apply the same when they are talking to others also.

Kids need words of encouragement. I felt ashamed when one of my kids told me, with tears, "I am crying because you laughed at me." Even a "haha" discourages. Talking nice to my kids is now one of my motto.

Anyway, just be watchful. Be careful little tongue what you say! Our little kids are listening!

Lesson # 2: CLEARLY DEFINE HOUSE RULES

Children are very particular with our words. Whatever we say, they may use it for or against us. So, we must watch our tongues. House rules are the most watched and being tested by our kids. If they manage to break you into it, then they have succeeded to break it one day.

In our home, there are certain rules my kids should follow. Here are three examples:

1. Every food served on the table can always be eaten.
2. Obedience is better than high grades.
3. Prayer before sleeping is a must.

I believe these three will go along long way as my kids grow. And they are living with it. All of my kids eat vegetables. All kinds of vegetables. They don't complain of any food given to them. Actually they love eating... from veggies to meat.

I believe also that my kids are obedient compared to other kids. That's what others have observed. They may not be perfectly doing everything, yet I may say that they do follow what is asked of them.

My kids are good in praying. On the table, on the bed, during prayer meetings. And I could assign them to lead in prayer though they are still young. Praise the Lord!

They know what are the rules. And I have defined each of the rules. They are growing obedient children.

Lesson #1: "LOVE THEM WHILE THEY'RE YOUNG."

What you sow is what you reap. And I really believe this is true with our kids!

Love is not just a word that we could teach to our children. You don't give the definition, you show them how it is done. Yet I think it's but natural for a parent to love their kids simply because children are the fruit of the union of both parents. I love you because you are my child, so to speak.

With four kids, loving each of them is a big challenge. As they were born, I was settled with my responsibility as a father. My main job? To love them. I believe that all I was doing for them was an outburst of my love to them. But as a person, I admit it was very hard for me to express love when your kids are growing undisciplined and disobedient. My heart bleeds when family rules were ignored and sometimes disobeyed. As they grew, I find myself using the rod and scolding them for their wrongdoings. It hurts me most when I impose disciplinary actions. I say to myself, "I am doing this because I love them." As the Proverbs reminded us, "A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother" (Prov. 29:15).

Obedient children brings joy to the heart of a father (cf. Prov 10:1; 17:25). It showers love and make it more intense for the father to love his children more. Fathers blessed with good sons and daughters lives a life blessing his kids more than what is expected of him. But this doesn't mean we show lesser love to children who are the so called "black sheep." Actually, they need our love more than what we show to other siblings. And if we are on the sowing stage, diligently sow love to the lives of our children.

Admitted, I'm still learning my lessons on this. I have to hurry up and make a double time loving my kids. Because soon enough, they are not kids anymore.

Papang (Dad)

LESSONS on PARENTING

It was a pleasure sharing my experiences as a father of four. If you have read most of my blogs here, you may have at least an overview of what my kids are made of. Since they aren't toddlers anymore, more learning is being shared to me as I continue raising them. More lessons to share to all parents out there.

In this regard, beginning on my next blog, after this, I will be posting LESSONS on PARENTING as I learn it on a day-to-day basis. I may post 1 or more lessons per blog and it may be posted daily or weekly (I'll make sure I won't be posting monthly to keep us updated).

As I believe, fatherhood is a lifetime task. It may vary depending on the age of our kids. But to be a parent to our children only ends when we meet face to face with our Creator.

God bless all parents who will be following this blog!

"YOU CAN'T GO."

My eldest, going seventeen, is now in her second year in College taking up Broadcast Communications. She's doing good in her studies and even made it to become one of the President's & Dean's listers on her first year. A college student but in her father's eyes, that's me, she's still my baby.

With all the news about young girls being abducted and abused, Pinoy parents will do all they could do to protect their children from harm. I would remind Jann daily as she goes to school, as parents always say, "Don't talk to strangers." Everyday, I would request her to send text messages of her whereabouts. Bus terminal, Train station & school premises. It's my daily routine to check on her. Not to be over protective but to make her feel that she's important to us, especially to me as her father.

One day, she sent a text message, "Can I go watch a movie after class with my classmates?"

I immediately responded, "You can't go."

She replied, "I really wanted to see that film."

I just said, "Think of my reasons why I don't want you to go."

Later in the afternoon, after class, she said, "Papang (that's how my kids call me), I'm about to go home."

I believe there are things we could do in the right place and in the right time. My daughter understood my point without even telling it to her. I once told her, "Doing the right things in the wrong time is wrong."

INDIVIDUAL TREATMENT

It is quite fun to have four kids! Fun yet to deal with them individually is a big challenge.

Jann is 4 year older than Jenzon while Jenzon is a year older to Jinou and Jonan is 3 years younger than his Kuya Jinou. Presently; Jann, Jenzon, Jinou & Jonan is 16 going 17, 13, 12 & 8 going 9 respectively. I must say they are four different kids!

Discipline was easy when most of them are in their toddler years but as they grew up, the challenges began. Befriending a teener, dealing with a boy in his awkward stage, comforting a bullied boy by his own kuya & teaching the youngest on how to act independently. Being a father to them is a great opportunity to test my faith and my ways as a Christian father. In all these things, I believe God is on my side giving me wisdom and the strength to endure any hardships (though it wasn't hard after all).

I am trying my best to go out with them together and individually (on schedule). Aside from letting them know that I always find a time to date with their mom, by God's grace, I am taking time to date them one by one. To build and nurture my relationship to them as their father.

Praise the Lord!

CLOSE FAMILY TIES

Pinoys are known for its "close family tie" culture. Family bonding is very important to every Filipino household.

This is one of the many things I wanted my kids to learn as they grow. With four kids, I am really dealing with four different personality. Though they are growing in one same roof, I did see how different they are. But of course, there are so many things common in them. I thank God for having them raised in the faith. All four are serving the church in different areas of ministries. They all pray before they sleep. And going to church is never hard for me to motivate them. Different yet the same because of our growing faith in the Lord.

Bonding.. I see to it that I took time out for each of the four. It's too expensive if I will do it together. One by one, by schedule, I brought them along. Only in a month that we go out together. Spending time together without thinking about my ministry but them alone. My wife and I have agreed on this. And we also, as a couple, spend time together without the kids. Which I believe is a good example to our children.

I am happy to have kids which are God-given. That knowledge brings us together... closer.